Someone needs to talk about making the right friends…

Let’s focus on quality over quantity

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Making friends in this society is a rewarding behavior. It pays well.

There is a reason videos and posts about this topic happen to do so well. You can not overstate its importance sometimes, but in other cases, it becomes more of a hassle.

Let me explain.

Let’s say you spend the majority of your time in school making friends. Your school life was a blast. Then you go to college. Some ties are cut, some go through the pressure of college life and maybe even commuting and settling in a new country or city.

This is where the filtration sort of starts. Very few friends may remain, maybe none at all. The result of this may or may not influence how you approach college. You may be eager to make new friends, you might not be.

The problem is while making friends is important and everything, the obsession to make more friends has ended up overshadowing the obsession of making high-quality friends.

‘Friendship’ can be the cure of the most painful diseases but it can easily be a bullet with your name on it. The essence of friendship and what makes it special is its vulnerability.

You may talk about everything with your friends, at the same time, you might not.

Let me tell you, it is okay having very few friends as long as they are quality ones.

So the question beckons, how do you know if they are quality friends?

They encourage you

The best moment to see whether a friend is a real or a fake one is when you fail, or people make fun of you.

Fake friends will eat you alive!

I really mean that.

Now you have another issue to deal with. You tell them, ‘Shut up already!’

In other cases, they’ll just put you down. You now feel stupid for trying something new.

This is not what you signed up for.

What this essentially does is, make you prone to what others think of you. Then, when you want to pursue something daring the feeling that it can be made fun of may result in you not doing it at all.

There is a way to get around this.

Have high-quality friends.

But let me let you in on a little secret. You must give to receive.

So don’t go out and about flushing everything and everyone away. If someone makes fun of you when you fail at something, it might just be because you have installed that culture in the first place.

I know this because I have experienced it. As good it is to hear that we are saints and the other guy is at fault, we should also look at the mirror. It is a hard talk, but a worthy one.

Try to encourage people around you. Don’t make fun of people who look stupid doing something or fail in a rather embarrassing fashion.

Be humble.

Make a promise to yourself, that you will not make fun of people.

Now don’t get me wrong friendly banter is fine. Just make sure it doesn’t cross a specific line.

When you make fun of someone to the point where you overdo it, it may undermine his confidence. Why would you do that? Why intentionally harm someone just to get a few people to laugh?

Most of the time you must become ‘quality.’ Otherwise this article will cause you to look around and judge anyone you can see.

Quality attracts quality.

They have something meaningful to say

Gossip for me has become the finest pill to dissatisfaction. I don’t enjoy it anymore.

Stop talking about other people. Stop judging other people. Talk about something meaningful. Have something valuable to say- to share.

The truth is, you will always actively know whether a certain friend-friend relationship is doing you any good or not. But then again, let me reiterate, look at yourself first.

Colleges and schools are the hubs of gossip, but at a point, it must all stop. People get stuck, and they are the only ones to blame.

If you are still stuck in that bubble, take a needle and pop it. It’ll hurt when you fall down, but you can make yourself another one

Talking about affairs and relationships, who got cheated on, whose parents kicked him out of their house, who was caught drunk-driving, we should all put an end to it. Don’t say something when you have nothing meaningful to add.

I really am against this gossiping culture. I don’t like it at all. I also know that I am not alone, many people don’t. Yet they still engage in it because people around them do so.

At the same time, you sometimes really enjoy it too. In other cases, you think you enjoy it when you don’t.

As the saying goes, “You don’t understand the value of something until after it is gone,” this can also mean you overvalue it.

I discovered this about myself when I cut gossip out of my life completely. I didn’t miss it.

It is addicting sometimes- actually most of the time, but sometimes switching something off kills the addiction. You will not go through any withdrawal symptoms (hopefully).

Try it, it might help!

You can overwhelm yourself through it as well. If there is so much useless information, you must filter it!

Also when you disengage in gossip you have more time to focus on yourself.

They support you when the going gets tough

Everyone faces bad times. It is a part of life.

How you react to it is very important. Don’t let obstacles define you, but don’t ignore them either.

Tough times give away an opportunity. You must take it, don’t let it pass without any benefit.

It informs you of something. Who you can count on, and who has other things to deal with. More so than that it does you a world of good.

Teaches you things about yourself you didn’t know.

Friends play a role.

Why should you focus on quality relationships and not quality?

Quantity overwhelms you. Quality defines you.

Quality improves you.

If you have a massive circle but none of them or a few of them are really your friends, well, what is the point.

You will focus on their life the whole time. If they achieve something and it makes you jealous or the other way around, it will cause your focus to deter. Not optimal.

Create value for your friends and you will get it back too. That is what you need.

Know your goals and communicate that to them. Maybe get advice. Good friends will go out of their way to help you but you have to too. Don’t expect a one-way street.

First do what you want someone else to, that way it is no longer selfish. If you want them to encourage you to chase your goals, do that for the first. Not for a day, or a week, but make it a habit. Even if they discourage you.

Focus your interest in giving not receiving and you will receive like you never have. This is a weird fact of life. Although, in retrospect, it makes perfect sense.

You can make more friends in 2 months by being interested in other people than you can in 2 years by trying to get other people interested in you.

-Dale Carnegie